Gay Multi-Racial Carpenters Find Home

While the press have been covering the plight of gay marriage and gay adoption, little media attention has focused on the difficult journey that gay carpenters, who choose carpenters from other races, have in securing housing. Well, finally, in the city that defined housing segregation, multi-ethnic gay carpenters have their own home, and if you happen to be a gay carpenter who prefers a mate from a different race, you are invited to join them in Chicago's Humboldt Park neighborhood.
HUMBOLDT PARK

Swingin' Key Parties Attracting Buyers

Low interest rates, home warranties, rock bottom prices...none of it seems good enough for certain buyers. But now, in select Chicago neighborhoods, certain sellers are inviting buyers (and their friends) to appreciate the FULL potential of their future home. And it seems to be working...
Forest Glen

Obama Announces Make-Your-Own-Kitchen

In an effort to boost foreclosure sales which will assist banks in reducing their bloated inventory and expedite the national housing recovery, President Obama has announced Make Your Own Kitchen, a government sponsored plan that will entice buyers with glossy promotional photos of their new potential kitchens and provide them with a $100 Home Depot gift card at closing. The President told the reporters that he plans on announcing Make-Your-Own-Bathroom & Make-Your-Own-House in the near future.
Ukrainian Village

Buyer Tempted to Get Drunk & Buy Home

The executor of this estate sale left out a fresh round of grog with hopes that the buyers would get trashed, take themselves back to 1973, and forget about the wall panels, drop foam ceilings, caca brown carpeting, and 'Gerald Ford, He's Our Man'posters, then make a full price offer on a home where the beer steins cost more than the kitchen.
Albany Park

Buyers Can't Get Vending Machine to Work

The potential buyers of this Chicago bungalow were surprised to find that pushing buttons on this vintage soda machine yielded Elvis, and not dusty bottles of corn-syrup free coca-cola. More frantic pushing led to a polka cover of Chuck Berry showcasing America's earliest attempts at desegregation.
Portage Park

Panicked Sellers Resorting to Voodoo Dolls

Haitian high priests have been spotted around the Logan Square neighborhood taking the place of the usually reliable Pentecostal and Mormon door knockers, who have been unable to convince desperate home sellers that either tongue speaking or magic underwear will assist them in offloading their home.
LOGAN SQUARE

Seller Guilt Trips Buyers

The seller of this Northwest Side three flat left a hat on his kitchen table to make sure the buyer's knew he was short selling for a reason. The buyers responded with, "What the heck is he doing with the extra $2,000 a month from rent he's still making?"
Happening in neighborhoods throughout Chicago.
MAYFAIR

Turquoise Big with Midgets this Year

In a trend seen around the nation, Chicago's little people are stealing the tall people's mid-century thunder by adopting cool refreshing 50's colors to suit their diminutive living standards. Tall people have revolted by re-claiming Restoration Hardware taupe.
Portage Park

Broke Sellers Forced to Eat Plastic Cereal

Disappointed that their $650,000 home is worth the same as it was seven years ago, this Edgewater couple decided to add sympathy points to their showings by leaving out a bowl of the plastic fruit & cereal they have been consuming while they undergo their hardship. However, we did overhear that dinner reservations at The Girl and The Goat had been pushed back until 8:30.
ANDERSONVILLE

Foreclosed Homeowners Practicing for Waco, Part II

With no signs of rising property values and banks remaining steadfast in their refusal to modify loans, homeowners throughout Chicago are preparing to defend and protect their dwellings. But if you want to pay them their selling price from 2007 that they refused to lower, they'll let you in.
WICKER PARK

Man Cave Down to Basics

After years of wasted money on gadgets, vehicles and sprockets, this Jefferson Park homeowner retired to his basement where he is currently at work on his novel, "Shopping Cart, Toilet, and Garbage Can: What Men Need to Live". Meanwhile his wife was found upstairs, in front of the 52" plasma in Ugg boots reclining in her Eames chair reading the IKEA catalog.
Jefferson Park

Unknown Red Thing Really Cool

When the prospective buyer of this Logan Square 2 flat asked the elderly owner why he kept such a cool furniture piece in the basement, he responded, a bit dumbfound, "Uh, I am not know this, me and wife we are using many years for burning the trash. I not know this for sitting down, I sorry."
Logan Square

Desperate Realtors Asking Hollywood for Help

Selling homes with peeling paint, broken windows, and malfunctioning plumbing has forced some real estate companies to ask a power greater than God for assistance. For a commission kickback and assurance that their movies, which rival the selling home's condition in quality, can be promoted on-site, certain Hollywood celebrities are showing up on Sundays, at Open Houses throughout Chicago.
Old Irving Park