Santa Giving Up This Year

The Chicago neighborhood of Woodlawn has been experiencing the interest of developers and home buyers priced out of neighboring Hyde Park. But another curious entity has also discovered this Southside trend - Santa. Just days before the celebration of Christ's birth, children's toys have been mysteriously turning up in vacant backyards throughout Woodlawn and South Shore.

One source close to the nimble footed Chunky Claus told reporters that she heard him mumbling about the unaccommodating hours of Toys-R-Us, then the higher cost of elf labor, and now the unrelenting assault by "Amazonk" who has essentially rendered his services worthless. It has been rumored that the former head of the largest toy distributing ring in the universe is considering driving for Lyft, telling the unnamed source "I don't need GPS, and I can cover way more ground than these schlubs. Sure after factoring in the cost of additional reindeers, increased reindeer dietary needs and reindeer insurance, I probably won't make much more than minimum wage, but what I am gonna do - sit around with those greedy midgets all winter."
Woodlawn

Swings Have No Home Here

Rogers Park is a Chicago neighborhood known for it's social activism, but some resident activists have felt defeated in their battle to solve lives that matter, homes that hate, and presidents that really suck. So they have organized to support an entity that residents of all beliefs and political parties can stand behind. Literally. Local activists are feeling good about their efforts, but remaining cautiously optimistic, stating "we are starting to hear about certain families being divided, often with one sibling refusing to swing." The spokesperson continued to tell the only reporter present, "people think this is about raising our home values, which would be nice, and I wouldn't complain, cause you know, our price is still down from the 2007 peak, but this is really about supporting our local swings. How much do you think I could get for my place?"
Rogers Park