Dead Hipster Reveals Shocking Truth

Home Inspectors and savvy realtors warn buyers to beware of the glitz. Check out the basement, they say, it's where you'll find the ugly truth.

Buyers of this Logan Square estate were astonished to discover an unsuspected horror: Unfairly traded non-artisanal coffee. Most revealed that they would be unable to occupy such a home. But one prospective Logan Square Immigrant noted, "he probably just stored his Ipsento Sumatran beans in there, great re-purposing man".
Logan Square

Reclaimed Wood Fridge Claimed by No One

When purchasing a home, items such as appliances and lights are considered a part of the home unless a seller decides they want to keep them. But it isn't common for buyers to refuse a fixture. Until now.

The buyers of this turn of the century Garfield Park two flat demanded that the reclaimed wood refrigerator be removed from the property by closing. They told undisclosed sources that they thought the reclaimed wood as a disgrace because it wasn't old enough, and that they would reclaim even older, more age appropriate wood for their non-stainless refrigerator.
Garfield Park

Frozen Barware Taunts Children's Playroom

A Bridgeport family converted their two flat's basement into a drinking preparation center so their children could safely play while gaining exposure to the subterranean dwelling's future use. The little ones were told that the wall was a Southside piñata that they'll get to break open on their thirteenth birthdays.

Prospective home buyers were assured that the liquor bottles and glasses were suitable for children as young as nine but that all liquor remaining was to be transferred in As-Is condition.
Bridgeport