Dead Hipster Reveals Shocking Truth

Home Inspectors and savvy realtors warn buyers to beware of the glitz. Check out the basement, they say, it's where you'll find the ugly truth.

Buyers of this Logan Square estate were astonished to discover an unsuspected horror: Unfairly traded non-artisanal coffee. Most revealed that they would be unable to occupy such a home. But one prospective Logan Square Immigrant noted, "he probably just stored his Ipsento Sumatran beans in there, great re-purposing man".
Logan Square

Seller Refuses to Include Headboard in Sale

The seller of this historic Ukrainian Village worker's cottage was adamant that the "rocks is not stay." He claimed that including them "then I make price higher but nobody paying me high price of rock." The buyer assured her realtor that she'd replace them with a more tasteful glass mosaic tile.
Ukrainian Village

Buyer Still Looking for Bathroom

The In-Law apartment included with this Uptown multi-family building was touted as 'Euro style', and only when the buyer saw the toilet paper next to the kitchen sink did he fully understand the centuries old driving force behind U.S. immigration.
UPTOWN

Afghan Immigrant Struggling with Native Rugs

Despite growing up among the world's most sought after floor coverings, this Edgewater resident left his native Afghanistan for the rich and luxurious world of American synthetic fibers where it was decided that he would turn his bungalow's basement into the personalized intimate rug emporium he felt Chicago needed. Several floods later, and harboring a carpet collection he deemed, "so very ugly that my people are not even to let their animals go bathroom on it", the salesman exclaimed, "I am finish carpet. I am finish basement. I am go wood floor for condo. Maybe have some granite and steel kitchen. This is the good American life."
Edgewater

Roman Hero Struggling in Chicago Basement

After slaying hydras, lions and other assorted monsters, Italian immigrant Hercules has found life in America quite difficult as he struggles to provide heat for a presumably cold trio of families in this rapidly aging Lincoln Square brick three flat.
Lincoln Square

Statue of Liberty Sees the Light, Finally

After two centuries of darkness, struggling with the anxieties and tumult that come with being the sole bearer of liberty, Our Fair and Balanced Lady has finally seen the light. She was abducted by the unidentified flying object from the roof of this brick Avondale three flat at approximately twenty-three hundred hours yesterday evening by resident aliens who apparently mistook Our Lady for the illegal aliens that were harboring her.
AVONDALE