Recent Recent New Artifact Found

Finally, after thirty nine years of sleep in the back corner of this Ravenswood basement, a bourbon bottle has not exceeded it's promise.
RAVENSWOOD

Makers of Simon Create Keyless Door

After years of lackluster sales and declining market position due to the advent of, well, pretty much everything, the manufacturers of the formerly popular game Simon have introduced their highly praised keyless windowless penitentiary door to Chicago. Users will no longer have to worry about losing their keys, but inebriation, medication, or life may cause them difficulty in remembering the complex color codes needed to open Fannie Mae's steel gauntlet to their light-free homes.
Ukrainian Village