Alcoholic Discovers the Perfect Stairs

After weeks of looking at homes with perilous descents, this proud and mighty drinker was overcome with joy to encounter a basement stairway that would allow him to successfully slumber back up to bed after a night of basement boozing. The sellers of this Rogers Park bungalow even offered to throw in their safety harness for those extra special occasions.
Rogers Park

The Red Phone is Not a Toy

The buyer of this gorgeous Art Deco condo near the lake in Chicago's Gold Coast neighborhood assumed the red phone was merely decoration in the wood paneled study. Now authorities at the Pentagon are placing frenzied calls to leaders around the world that "they are terribly sorry, but budget cuts affected the Cold War dismantle program, and now, well, uh, you still have a few hours to evacuate."
Gold Coast