Alcoholic Discovers the Perfect Stairs

After weeks of looking at homes with perilous descents, this proud and mighty drinker was overcome with joy to encounter a basement stairway that would allow him to successfully slumber back up to bed after a night of basement boozing. The sellers of this Rogers Park bungalow even offered to throw in their safety harness for those extra special occasions.
Rogers Park

Lottie's Upset Over Bucktown Bucket List

The recent publication of the annual Bucktown Bucket List has not only upset the potential buyers of new Bucktown property, but apparently the proprietors of Lottie's pub, a neighborhood watering hole notorious as that illicit gambling den run by a transvestite named Walter that eventually became a Bucktown meeting place for residents looking for a dark intimate place to escape. The owners have expressed frustration that "those darn bucket list writers" don't recognize the value of a transformed bar generously surrounded by large flat screen televisions offering sporting events at loud volumes while providing Miller Lite specials and discounted halftime Jager Bombs.
Bucktown

Voice From Above Told Him To Do It

A stately gentleman in a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt and a delicate pair of fraying sandals was discovered early today, on this Ukrainian Village porch, sprawled on his back, mumbling incoherently as he pointed to the ceiling, "up there, the voice, he told me to go away, that he didn't want to see me. Did you know that God's a woman?"
Ukrainian Village

Alcoholic Buyer Re-thinks His Habits

Having loudly exclaimed, "that's the coolest f$@kin staircase I've ever seen" a local alcoholic buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous, then quickly retorted to himself, "guess this means my drink days may be over" but his frown was quickly resuscitated by the rays of light shining on a tall water pipe structure, visible in the distance with a smiling skull encompassing it's base.
BUCKTOWN