DON'T TEAR DOWN THAT GARAGE!

The Convertible Garage business is booming. In Chicago, garages are generally poorly constructed frame structures left to rot until they collapse, or endure the wrath of a certain spouse who possesses supernatural abilities to foresee impending death. An enterprising Northside entrepreneur did what Amercians do best - find a need for something useless and promote it until it's needed. Soon, he discovered a segment of collapsing garage owners who craved room for their favorite sports but Chicago's small backyards were unable to accommodate.

So they began offering Rink-Rages, HalfCourt-Rages, and Raquetball-Rages. When the proprietor was confronted about the anger he was infusing into his products in an era of the Anti-Bully, the press were told "well, I can't do the phonetic 'Raj" or I would have to deal with the Anti-Colonial British Empire hating crowd, and they have far more Instagram followers." The same Mahatma devotee was told his business had no place in Logan Square due to the hipster dismissal of sports as "too bro." Reporters were then told, "Logan is now Brogan, and all the hipsters have left for run-down mid-century homes in Northern Indiana."
Logan Square

Santa's Helpers Hiding from Rehabbers

As the westward march of Chicago house flips, remodels and tear-downs continues, some residents are refusing to let go of their beloved homes. At this aging Portage Park bungalow, a platoon of Christmas warriors is currently holed up in a secluded crawlspace hoping to reappear on their beloved green carpet next December, likely overshadowed by an enormous second floor addition that even the president would think was garish, or more likely, "yuuuge, yes, but not good yuuuge".
Portage Park