Supreme Court to Rule on Hardwood Floors

A local Chicago buyer has taken her builder to the nation's top court to decide if her hard wood floors are truly hardwood floors. The builder released this statement through his press agent, "I am builder, yes? She is ask for hard wood floor. I am make hard wood floor. I no understand problem. Lady is tell me she like deck I make very much. I am even make her special baseboard. America is crazy country."
Albany Park

Seller Impresses With Amazing City View

The seller of this historic Little Italy rowhouse spent the entire house tour extolling the magnificent panoramic city views that his rooftop deck afforded. Once the group of potential buyers arrived on the legendary roof, one disrespectful attendee questioned, "which way is the city? I can't see anything." A clearly surprised owner quickly replied, "That place, over there, you see it, that one building. That's downtown, baby, downtown Chi-town!"
Little Italy

New Porch Embarrassed by Views

After a $9,000 facelift to comply with Chicago's "if it can't hold a mack truck, it's out" new porch ordinance, this near west side porch has requested that visitors refrain from looking to their right, or they will be asked to leave. When asked for comment, the rehabbed porch grunted, "location, location location my @ss. why they no say, 'neighbor, neighbor, neighbor'. No matter what job you have. All job stinky. Matter who work with you."
UKRAINIAN VILLAGE