Tile that Fell off Back of Truck Found

A citywide hunt to locate a large quantity of missing tile, intended for a graciously appointed new construction project, has been located on a historic home in Chicago's Ravenswood Manor neighborhood. Realtors have been indundating the owner with promises of a high sales price due to the rare opportunity to live among such ornate detail. Personal injury attorneys have joined their well liked brethren in soliciting the reclusive owner in hopes of securing the role of lead counsel in the impending case of, "Chicago v. The Porch that Maims."
Ravenswood Manor

1.2 Million & The Porch is Yours

As the high-end single family home home boom continues unabated throughout the Northside of Chicago, builders are struggling to find details that will help their generic designs stand out. Coffered ceilings and wi-fi mudrooms are not enough. One Andersonville developer was kind enough to preserve a traditional brick two flatrental building by converting it into a luxury single family home. But to appeal to the clientele who buy such properties, he constructed a minimalist inspired front porch, lovingly sprayed with the finest automotive primer.
Andersonville

Bedroom Flooded With Light Excites Buyer

A Chicago realtor advertising a Logan Square brick two flat as having a master bedroom flooded with light enticed one buyer to cancel his afternoon appointments in order to view this rare Chicago commodity. The current tenant expressed his satisfaction with the space exclaiming it was better than the run down garage he used to crash in.
Logan Square

Open House Turnout Larger than Expected

Open Houses are generally known as a place where realtors can pick up new clients while pretending to be aggressively getting buyers through the home. Over the years, home baked cookies and assorted treats have been popular items to bring in nosy neighbors and other undesirables. But one Chicago agent discovered that a misplaced laundry line can really make your clients think you are working hard.
Andersonville

Cable Keeps Clothes Dry & Supports Building

A Wicker Park family faced a dilemma with their two flat: they wanted to Go Green for their lovely son yet not spend money. So instead of replacing their broken dryer or destroying their crumbling rear porch, they devised a solution to make natural fabric dryers and indoor zipliners jealous. Surprisingly, the family has abandoned the property.
Wicker Park

RePurpose ChildProofing Not Serving Purpose

A Logan Square couple, enthusiastic about their recent success in repurposing old truck tires into a patio table thought they would use their new found artistic frugality to prevent their three year old child from falling over the low porch railing. Oddly, and perhaps fortunately, it was the couple's inebriated friend Jimbo who took the sixteen foot plunge rather than the little one.
Logan Square

Walls Oozing Ooze

A mysterious yellow substance was discovered in the rear porch of this Avondale two flat but the buyers were put at ease when told that the "walls only do that in winter, you'll hardly notice any come summer."
Avondale

Emergency Exit only for Real Emergencies

In Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood, some two flat and three flat owners are rebelling against the high cost of installing emergency staircases, sometimes referred to as a rear egress or back porch. Their defense is that they only need an actual door size exit. As this homeseller stated, "what's all the friggin' fuss. Don't you see them shrubs I planted. You may get banged up but you ain't gonna die. It's for friggin' emergencies not so you and some lass can have a smoke and admire the skyline."
LAKEVIEW

New Porch Embarrassed by Views

After a $9,000 facelift to comply with Chicago's "if it can't hold a mack truck, it's out" new porch ordinance, this near west side porch has requested that visitors refrain from looking to their right, or they will be asked to leave. When asked for comment, the rehabbed porch grunted, "location, location location my @ss. why they no say, 'neighbor, neighbor, neighbor'. No matter what job you have. All job stinky. Matter who work with you."
UKRAINIAN VILLAGE