Stuck between a Rock & a Meter

The prospective buyers of this Pilsen two flat refused to purchase a property that didn't have at least two bathrooms on one floor. After an exhaustive search, they discovered, behind a flapping piece of plywood, a secluded defecation alcove, nestled snug between the exterior porch and brick garage, lovingly heated by a dryer exhaust vent with unobstructed views of their tenant's kilowatt usage. The wife suggested making the toilet composting. The husband added that a skylight could be nice. And they lived happily ever after.
Pilsen

Patriotic & Paranoid - A True American

In preparation for July 4th, the potential seller of this Pilsen home let it be known that God blesses our nation and private property, however God will not consider VA loans. Cash only please.
Pilsen

Pilsen Artists Really Struggling

The tenants of this Pilsen two flat were bemoaning increasing rents to prospective buyers of their building, highlighting their third world television as a prime example of their financial difficulties. They then retreated to their enclosed porch to watch a BitTorrent download of Game of Thrones on their new Macbook.
Pilsen

Local Boiler Hired to Teach Economics

As economists have struggled to correctly explain the economy's direction, one well renowned Chicago university has decided to give an adjunct professorship to a local Pilsen boiler, who correctly read the economy in 1953 and again in 1979, and today serves as an adviser to many home buyers looking for clues to the market's future.
Pilsen

Buyer Sees the Light

After ten grueling minutes slogging through a dilapidated Pilsen foreclosure wondering why his realtor brought him to such a place, the exasperated buyer finally saw the light. And the rat holes. And the dusty stack of unpaid bills. And, the exit.
Pilsen

Bank Steals Tenant's Stolen Stove

The former owner of this Pilsen brick two flat, affectionately know as "the landlord", had purchased a used stove from a nearby shop specializing in used stoves that purchases their stoves from gentlemen who arrive at their store early in the morning accompanied by a shopping cart and a refreshing beverage.

When the previous owner of the building was unable to pay his mortgage due to the over borrowing of additional money against his property, his tenant, allegedly an artist, decided that she would be the caretaker of the stove, even going so far as to claim it as her very own. Now, the bank, who will not give the artist a loan, but was more than willing to loan to the previous owner, has taken ownership of the stove. As of this writing, there were gentleman, transported by a simple four wheeled vehicle, enjoying a cloaked beverage while inspecting the property.
Pilsen

Seller Impresses With Amazing City View

The seller of this historic Little Italy rowhouse spent the entire house tour extolling the magnificent panoramic city views that his rooftop deck afforded. Once the group of potential buyers arrived on the legendary roof, one disrespectful attendee questioned, "which way is the city? I can't see anything." A clearly surprised owner quickly replied, "That place, over there, you see it, that one building. That's downtown, baby, downtown Chi-town!"
Little Italy

Seller Blames Virgin on His Short Sale

A despondent seller of a Bridgeport two flat, and former patron of St. Mary's Church, blamed the misguided advice he received from Mother Mary on the excessive home equity loans he took out on his family's historic compound that have led to his unwanted short sale situation.
BRIDGEPORT

Seller Gives Assurance that Everything is OK

The seller of this aging Pilsen storefront turned artist home and studio gave promising assurances that his unmaintained 123 year old building was "perfectly fine". He claimed the bathtub full of water was for his photo darkroom and the shaking floors were part of the home's charm.
Pilsen

Boiler Enjoying New Hair Care Products

After experiencing a near melt-down with a value size can of AquaNet, this SouthSide boiler has recently switched to the more soothing, and safer, styling gel, choosing Walgreens brand because he exclaimed, "it's all the same sh#t, just like these brick two flats, just depends on how you use them."
Bridgeport

Vegan Buyers Can't Find Seitan Button

A disappointed couple looking to buy their first home in Chicago's Pilsen neighborhood was distraught that the sellers didn't think to install an oven that would suit their dietary requirements. When the seller was asked how he could make such an egregious mistake, he calmly responded, "Go f&#* yourself."
Pilsen

Local AA President Foreclosed On

A very close of friend of Bill W., known to many South Side Chicago locals as the head of their local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter, has lost his two flat due to foreclosure. Neighbors were surprised to find the living room completely empty, and further, showed complete confusion over where to hold their next AA meeting.
SOUTH SIDE

Drought Reduces Price of Inner City Dock

A scorching rainless summer is finally taking its toll on an already struggling local real estate market, drying out precious inner city wetlands while turning this once desirable waterfront property into what the listing realtor is now calling "a front row seat to a luscious Chicago savannah.
BRIDGEPORT

Owner Finds New Use for His Slinky

After years of neglecting his rusty slinky, a Bridgeport two flat owner decided he could use it to heat his bedroom.
BRIDGEPORT

Seller Leaves Baby Outside for Showings

In order to successfully sell a home, owners are told to get rid of clutter, put up a fresh coat of paint, and make sure there are no distractions in the home when potential buyers come visit. This Bridgeport home seller wanted to highlight the fact that he was a father but also understood what it takes to sell a home in today's market.
BRIDGEPORT

Mysterious Electrical Fire Baffles Everyone

After accepting a contractor who not only offered the lowest bid, but assured the owners he could do work without a permit, a Pilsen family is still trying to discover why a fire erupted in their kitchen while microwaving dinner while blowdrying the children's hair while toasting some stale bread. PILSEN

Loner Son Unhappy About Brother's Success

While touring potential buyers through his deceased parent's century old Pilsen worker's cottage, the son of the estate pointed to the wall and declared, "Look at that huge painting of my older brother and his stupid wife that everyone thinks is so amazing and their stupid little castle in Europe. And then me, with only that little photo. My parents never understood me. I hope you buy this place so I can get back to the desert and away from all this stuff."
PILSEN

Foreclosures Going Green

Riding the wave of Green euphoria sweeping the nation, banks have recently decided to provide green energy to their abandoned dilapidated uncared for properties so that prospective buyers will have solar powered lighting to witness the complete destruction caused by the bank's fine managerial practices.
BRIDGEPORT

Electricians Take Bribes from da Limbo Union

Seen as a sign of the ever growing powers of the Limbo Union in Chicago, electricians have been exposing their metal piping in doorways throughout the city in an effort to abide by the Limbo Union's stated mission of getting citizens to re-gain an appreciation for America's favorite birthday party ritual, and in turn put many out of work limbo stick holders, dancers, manufacturers, distributors, & mc's back to work. How low can YOU go?
Pilsen

The Bank's Housesitter

An iconic symbol for the current state of the Chicago real estate market
Little Village