The Aliens Have Finally Landed...in Chicago

Generations of Americans have wondered why the Aliens, the ones on UFOs, never seem to land in a big city. Well they finally did! And now the owner of this Edgewater home wants out. The extra terrestrial infestation is likely driving the sale of this non-traditional Chicago home, which some are speculating could be the latest design for the now ubiquitous boxy SmartTech home. As of press time, the aliens are postponing showings until they can remove all signs of Earthly life.
Edgewater

Proud Garage Shelters Homeless Rodents

An Edgewater garage, proud to be a member of the famed Balmoral alley, has decided to offset the premature Polar Vortex by allowing neighborhood rodents, vermin and other feral strays to lodge beneath her warm rafters.

When asked about the potential problems that might be caused for the home's sellers, the garage quickly responded, "Look, these buyers today don't care about us. My friends down the alley already warned me. The real estate agent says, 'do you want to see the garage', and they are like, 'no, that's ok. it's just a garage'. Just a garage! Well, I'll show them. Let's see what they think of my little betting parlor here, Rats vs. Cat. Already got a reality tv show calling." Edgewater

Jury Summons for the Dead Sells Home

An elaborate home staging helped transform a neglected Uptown three flat into an empathy generating estate sale. The sympathetic buyer quietly asked, "does this mean we can low ball them?"
Uptown

Home Prices Plummet due to Plant Vandals

Andersonville residents will tolerate a lot. But not when it comes to plant abuse. Someone or something has been targeting plants located on the parkway, sometimes known legally as Property of the City of Chicago, Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Homeowners are being urged to electrocute their parkways (aka 'the swale'), but some home buyers feel that things may never turn around, instead opting for the suburbs, where the lack of parkways and sidewalks ensure a dog will never need a walk and a resident can happily drive to their neighbor's place.
Andersonville

Buyer Still Looking for Bathroom

The In-Law apartment included with this Uptown multi-family building was touted as 'Euro style', and only when the buyer saw the toilet paper next to the kitchen sink did he fully understand the centuries old driving force behind U.S. immigration.
UPTOWN

CHAMBER Helps Sell Tiny Bedrooms

Riding the surge of the micro seller's market sweeping certain parts of Chicago, some realtors are now referring to their Victorian twin size bedrooms as 'chambers' as in this crumbling late 19th century cottage branded as a "lovely piece of history with four splendid chambers". By this summer, local realtors hope to re-cast the utility room as a 'parlor' and the small kitchen pantry as a 'boudoir'.
Uptown

Bank Asks Cat to Guard Historic Fireplace

After allowing tens of thousands of properties in the Chicago area to remain improperly secured, the nation's banks have decided they should start protecting the valuable items that remain inside the foreclosed dwellings. In this bank owned Edgewater two flat, security was lovingly provided by a feral cat, most likely belonging to the former owner who abandoned her for a quaint beach home in Honduras that she bought with her over-mortgaged home equity loan.
Edgewater