Tenants Struggle with Psycho Remake

The seller of this Wicker Park 3 flat assured buyers that they would not be harmed in the making of his tenants 'little movie thing'. The seller, or "that cheap bastard in the basement" as he's referred to by his upstairs neighbors, has been renting to the artist community since the Great Wicker Park Artist Migration of the late 1980's. As buildings were gut renovated or torn down, that cheap bastard in the basement decided he'd rather keep his home and his loyal tenants than update his building. Considered one of the last great hold-outs of the 'old' Wicker Park, the seller told buyers he could have made a 'mint' years ago when values skyrocketed but was committed to the neighborhood until property taxes became unsustainable. "Why are these clowns at the county saying my building is worth a million dollars. I didn't pay anything near that for this place and shouldn't have to pay a tax based on that. Plus, they closed the Double Door. That was it."
Wicker Park

This Schmuck can Sell

Schmucks have been maligned throughout their unfortunate history. What is seldom discussed is that some schmucks make a really good cabinet, the kind that makes one resent purchasing trendy IKEA cabinets which were likely built to service the greater schmuck population.

At an open house for this Andersonville home, buyers seemed unimpressed by the knock-off mid-century furnishings or over-done crown moulding, but they were positively giddy with excitement when they gazed upon the beauty of a genuine hard wood Schmuck cabinet. Many realtors will tell you that great kitchens sell a home. But what they don't often mention, is that a great schmuck can sell it as well.
Andersonville

Summer Heat Causes ICE Problems

A Logan Square homeowner frustrated that nobody would buy her home has decided 'For Sale' signs are a complete waste in a buying culture that relies solely on online access. In an effort to attract buyers to acknowledge the existence of her lovely vintage yet modern home, she has turned to large handmade boards expressing puzzling non-sequitur phrases. Similar to Open Houses, people are now stopping there, but they still aren't buying, and seem quite upset that nobody is providing them with cookies.
Logan Square

Attics: Creepy & Fun

It has become common knowledge, at least among Chicago home shoppers, that attics make ideal places for teenagers to experiment with mind alternating substances, fathers to yearn for their ancestral caves, wives to store the decomposing corpses of their missing in-laws, and poltergeists to roam free. But what is seldom discussed in real estate, or housing as it is known to some, is that attics make really kick-a$$ spaces to bring some light into an otherwise dark room, provide additional headroom, and simply offer a place for the phantasms to nest in the forgotten vegetation of the unreachable ceiling.
Logan Square

Evanston Decides to Support More Colors

Chicago's neighboring borough to the north has long been described as colorful, an accepting place where Benetton was not merely an ad, but rather a way of living. It's a city-state-township that showcases it's Purple Lines in equal proportion to it's Black Matters. In a continued effort to demonstrate it's prowess at reaching beyond ROY G BIV, Evanston is now welcoming the Browns. And as in many things Evanstonian, this color must abide by a stringent set of rules or risk dismissal from the NIMBY Kingdom.
Evanston(where else)

Trump Supporters Protest Open House

Open Houses are not much different than politics - they make the seller think there is a lot of interest in their home, and hence their 'representative' is doing a great job, when in fact they are a conduit to allow a multitude of unrepresented buyers an introduction to their potential new representative, the 'hard working' open house host. But when the freshman house rep chooses the emblem of southern invaders to lure his unsuspecting constituents, he probably forgot that the far northwest side of Chicago is a stronghold of the MAGA RED. Several protesters were seen lurking around following the demonstration, hoping for an opportunity to get a little Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme. One protestor, barely able to speak as a volcano of cheesy substance splooged from his mouth, mumbled, "what...doritos belong to us!"
Avondale