A NOT SO GLAMOROUS LOOK AT THE UNDERBELLY OF CHICAGO'S HOUSING MARKET


All photos taken live from Chicago properties & environs

Monday, January 30, 2012

Estate Sale forces Girl Watchers to Relocate


After the unfortunate death of the International Girl Watching founder, the world headquarters of the International Order is desperately looking for another basement where they can conduct their weekly meetings where topics such as "the demise of Thin Mint", "what happened to those pretty circles they used to draw over the "i"?", and "what is so special about this Justin Bieber?"
LINCOLN SQUARE

Friday, January 27, 2012

Fabric Master Upset Over His Demotion


After decades of mastering the intricate drying cycles of delicates, semi-delicates, rayon, silk, polyester, cotton, blankies, boots, hats, rugs, and small pets, The Fabric Master has been relegated to the far musty corner of this Northside basement where he has been assigned to the much maligned dish towel and re-usable diaper duties. His resentment is brewing as the new Kenmore XL2000 moisture meter continues to deliver dry shrink-free yoga pants to a fawning mother day after day. "Just wait until she sees how much those replacement parts cost, she'll be begging me for work again. I'm the real Yogi here," Fabric Master muttered in disgust.
EDGEWATER

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Grilled Cheese Banned from Open House


A young vegetarian couple was rudely asked to leave an open house this weekend for eating a grilled gruyere on seven grain sourdough with free range fair trade mustard. As they protested, the seller barked, "How would it make you feel if someone grabbed your udders in an exploitative manner?" Still no response from the buyers.
WICKER PARK

Monday, January 23, 2012

Seller Keeps Forgetting Her Name


After years of forgetting what people called her, the owner of this quaint northside home decided she would trade her notorious brooches for a rainbow assortment of easy-to-remove adhesive identifiers that required minimal storage space in her coat closet.

ANDERSONVILLE

Friday, January 20, 2012

I Always Feel Like...Somebody's Watching Me


The potential buyers of this Humboldt Park single family home couldn't escape the eerie feeling that somebody was watching them.
HUMBOLDT PARK

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Charmin Introduces the "Multi-Ply"


Couples and families who have long disagreed over the thickness of their bathroom tissue paper can rest easy with Charmin's new Multi-Ply, advertised as "Use what you need, and they'll use what they need. Everyone's happy with Charmin's new Multi-ply."
RIVER NORTH

Monday, January 16, 2012

Remaining in the Closet Not So Easy


A tenant who has spent his entire life hiding in the closet is not taking lightly to his landlady's recent rehab work.
ALBANY PARK

Friday, January 13, 2012

The King of Beers is now King of Anti-Freeze


Under the weight of burgeoning micro-brew sales, Anheuser-Busch has decided to market it's swill to foreclosure preservation companies that need to prevent water pipes from freezing. Banks are refusing to comment though on the increased number of intoxicated men with clipboards, snoring in the bathtub.
ROGERS PARK

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Couple Takes Mad Men Euphoria Too Far


First they bought the Eames lounge chair, then the Egg chair, then the Tulip chair, then switched from weekend Miller Lites to nightly whiskeys, then from lululemon pants and University of Michigan sweatshirts to pencil skirts and skinny ties, but now the sellers of this not very mid-century bungalow have decided to only communicate with the Talk-A-Phone, summed up by the seller's husband best when he told us, "just like Draper, baby".

PORTAGE PARK

Monday, January 9, 2012

Foreclosures Going Green


Riding the wave of Green euphoria sweeping the nation, banks have recently decided to provide green energy to their abandoned dilapidated uncared for properties so that prospective buyers will have solar powered lighting to witness the complete destruction caused by the bank's fine managerial practices.
BRIDGEPORT

Friday, January 6, 2012

Seller Finds Tiles to Match Wall


After spending several hours at the Tile Outlet store, this home seller finally located two boxes of tiles, labeled 'Ebony Fungi', to match the unique patterns taking shape on his bathroom wall.
HERMOSA

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Seller Appeals to Fans of Hanging Objects


In an effort to distinguish his mixed used storefront and apartment from other sellers, this Greatest Generation veteran decided to showcase various hanging items that can attract both afficionados of deconstructed mobiles and budget minded buyers looking for cost effective home security systems.
BUCKTOWN