Squirrel Refused to Honor Dibs

Attending an open house in Andersonville this weekend proved dangerous for an out of town squirrel. The visiting rodent was interested in seeing the spacious attic potential homebuyers had been talking about but was unable to find parking on the street due to the proliferation of discarded lawn furniture residents were using to claim public parking spaces. The attic squatting varmint was unaware that fifteen minutes of shoveling entitled a shoveler to indefinite ownership over said area despite the fact that her people have long practiced a similar claim after boring holes below a roofline. The last time a witness spotted the garden tormentor alive was when she discreetly placed the dibs items on the parkway. Services are being held at nearby Keim Furs.
Andersonville

Seller Assumes Nobody Will Notice

The seller of this outdated Bucktown worker's cottage knew his lack of windows would turn off potential buyers. So he did what any native Chicagoan would do, and installed a beautiful bay window, directly on top of a five foot mound of snow. "At least he used a level," muttered one prospective buyer.
Bucktown

Lincoln Square Alcoholics Celebrate Winter

Refusing to give in to Polar Vortexes and Global Cooling, a coterie of Lincoln Square residents, who casually drink six nights a week but definitely do not have a drinking problem, have been gathering around the Yule Pole of a recently listed property to enjoy bottles of Skyy Vodka. The owner of the aging Victorian has welcomed any activity that prevents buyers from realizing he has resided in the home for twenty years without spending a dime on property maintenance.
Lincoln Square

I Always Feel Like...Somebody's Watching Me

The potential buyers of this Humboldt Park single family home couldn't escape the eerie feeling that somebody was watching them.
HUMBOLDT PARK