Buyer's Wife Threatens Castration & Divorce

An untreated addiction to home renovation shows compelled one Chicago home buyer to offer on this 'lovely home in need of some TLC.' Local castration professionals have cited a correlation between the rise in house remodeling programs and wait times for appointments.
West Town

Hockey Dad Promises Better Rink Next Year

A Logan Square father, hockey fanatic, and home seller has promised all interested parties including but not limited to his dear children and extremely irate wife, that he will not attempt to build an ice rink in their future basement. He has suggested that perhaps the new home might have space for an indoor pool.
Logan Square

Bad Boy Alleges Discrimination Against Seller

A boy who is not considered good filed a complaint against the realtor and seller of this Ravenswood Manor home for failure to provide literature or other knowledge based forms of learning that would enlighten potential buyers to the complexities of misbehaved boys. The seller quickly issued a public statement claiming, "we used to have those too, but after the divorce, my husband took them."
Ravenswood Manor

7 Year Itch Affecting Avondale Couple

Finding marriage to be more difficult than previously thought, a local Chicago couple was clearly showing signs of disengagement upon the recent showing of their home. Only the brown paneling seemed to be holding them together, which they both admitted was symbolic of their failed attempts to achieve their renovation dreams.
AVONDALE