Voice From Above Told Him To Do It

A stately gentleman in a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt and a delicate pair of fraying sandals was discovered early today, on this Ukrainian Village porch, sprawled on his back, mumbling incoherently as he pointed to the ceiling, "up there, the voice, he told me to go away, that he didn't want to see me. Did you know that God's a woman?"
Ukrainian Village

Alcoholic Buyer Re-thinks His Habits

Having loudly exclaimed, "that's the coolest f$@kin staircase I've ever seen" a local alcoholic buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous, then quickly retorted to himself, "guess this means my drink days may be over" but his frown was quickly resuscitated by the rays of light shining on a tall water pipe structure, visible in the distance with a smiling skull encompassing it's base.
BUCKTOWN

Plumber Forgets to put Pipes Behind Wall

Worried he might be late to his weekly Weight Watchers meeting, a plumber in this Logan Square Victorian hurriedly assembled his copper plumbing pipes and rejoiced when he turned the water back on and discovered no leaks. Mysteriously, the plumber nor the contractor have returned to the home to retrieve the remainder of their tools. The owner has been highlighting the odd piping structure as a Green way to warm and dry your towels while enjoying the luxury of hot toilet paper.
LOGAN SQUARE