Buyers Given One Hour to Decide or else...

A young couple looking to buy their first home in the Edgewater neighborhood was locked in the basement and told to 'work it out'. After thirty-five minutes, the realtor briefly entered the cellar, told the buyers they only had twenty-five minutes remaining, and left them a cheese ball. After one hour, there was a loud noise, and a realtor spotted leaving with a half-eaten cheese ball.
Edgewater

Alcoholic Buyer Re-thinks His Habits

Having loudly exclaimed, "that's the coolest f$@kin staircase I've ever seen" a local alcoholic buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous, then quickly retorted to himself, "guess this means my drink days may be over" but his frown was quickly resuscitated by the rays of light shining on a tall water pipe structure, visible in the distance with a smiling skull encompassing it's base.
BUCKTOWN

Southside Basement Devastated by Vandalism

The owners of this Bridgeport two flat pleaded with potential buyers to avoid going in the basement, claiming imminent danger for those who descended. Upon returning from the lower level, the sellers were seen with heads hung in shame, a Sox flag hanging at half mast flapping behind them.
BRIDGEPORT