Banks Putting the Unemployed to Work

Whether it's increased federal regulation or a growing conscience for the plight of the nation's least fortunate, banks have begun hiring the jobless to paint foreclosed properties, and as of today, May 9th, both parties appear very content with the results. HUMBOLDT PARK

Government Regulating Dirty Laundry

In an effort to attract more homebuyers to assist the banks in alleviating their increasing foreclosure stock, the federal government has recently passed the SLOPPI(Soiled Laundry OMG Prevents Purchaser's Interest) Bill to assuage potential buyers fears that discarded clothing articles will become inherited fixtures. Violators, who refuse to place a visible barricade no closer than 32 inches from the offending pile, are urged to be reported to the SLOPPI hotline, 800-RU-SLOPI.
ROGERS PARK