Gay Couple Excited to Paint House

The new buyers of this vintage North Park bungalow have been making plans to paint murals of Adam & Steve and The Three Kings starring Liberace on their cracking plaster walls after discovering a manual giving them step by step instructions.
North Park

Open House Turnout Larger than Expected

Open Houses are generally known as a place where realtors can pick up new clients while pretending to be aggressively getting buyers through the home. Over the years, home baked cookies and assorted treats have been popular items to bring in nosy neighbors and other undesirables. But one Chicago agent discovered that a misplaced laundry line can really make your clients think you are working hard.
Andersonville

Couple Turns to Stone Waiting for Short Sale

Rescuers discovered the missing bodies of a pair of buyers who had stowed away in the basement of the Portage Park bungalow they had hoped to buy. The Cook County Coroner has estimated the approximate date of their stoning to be approximately 139 weeks after placing their short sale offer. Upstairs, the owners of the home were found enjoying the latest in modern conveniences without the hassles of paying a mortgage.
Portage Park

Renegade Jewish Stenciler Strikes Again

In a trend sweeping Chicago's foreclosures, low budget Jewish graffiti artists are decorating abandoned walls. Some speculate that this is actually an insidious strategy to deter the anti-semitic buying population from purchasing, and drive down prices. A spokesperson for the Jewish stencil gang allegedly claimed his group only uses blue Stars of David, and suggested concerned parties contact the local Satanist gangs who utilize the same star. When told there was no evidence of blood, Lucifer's spokesperson claimed, "nope, not ours. Check the Rastas." Still waiting for their response...
West Town