Family Stashing Cheetos in Bathroom

Inspired by the popular weight-loss programs dominating prime time television, a local Logan Square family has decided to re-locate their food storage to a less convenient snacking location. However, it should be noted that the bathroom was occupied for the first twenty minutes of a recent visit. The prospective buyers were surprised to enter a completely odorless and moisture free space.
Logan Square

Organic Juice Lady Targets Cobra Drinkers

Local crazy Juice woman known to many locals as "that crazy Juice woman" has elevated her campaign to get Humboldt Park residents to drink healthy yummy organic locally pressed non pasteurized fair trade juice. She is calling her new campaign, "40's for Juice" and is imploring locals currently residing in the park to trade in their favorite malt liquor bottles and receive "a forty that won't need a paper bag."
HUMBOLDT PARK

Local Poets Fighting Gentrification

In the ongoing saga to keep local Chicago neighborhoods real, and free from the onslaught of people who care about their properties, block, and children, local poets have gone on a poetic rampage, with rivals posting lesser knowns tags:
Tattletales get Battlenails
Sellouts get Hellpouts
Yuppies get Puppies
HUMBOLDT PARK (where else?)