Sequester Affects North Center Post Office

As the median home prices in the North Center neighborhood of Chicago skyrocket, and the U.S. government sequester forces federal agencies to cut services or find other sources of revenue, the local North Center post office has announced that it will sell it's lucrative branch office to a developer who is turning the 9,300 square foot facility into a LEED certified luxury single family home for a middle aged couple and their small child.

Energetic and civic minded residents have recently unveiled their replacement post office, something they assure fellow residents will never be sold, unless, of course, Whole Foods is interested in opening an urban drive-thru.
North Center

Progressive Parents Ban Cell Phones

In an effort save their family from the ills of a cell phone addicted society, one Albany Park couple has installed a pay phone, which was explained to the potential buyers of their organically decorated three flat as "necessary to combat the destruction of our culture, and besides, after paying for Montessori, Whole Foods delivery and our Audi Diesel, who afford those crazy phone bills. Hey, could I borrow your phone to check my email for a minute?"
Albany Park

Going Green: Seller Makes Dubious Claim

In an effort to appeal to the Green Generation, more homesellers are deciding to support their homes with fallen utility poles, rather than Chinese made metal products. When this seller was asked what he planned on doing about the other 27 missing structural supports, he said, "Being GREEN ain't easy, ya know. It takes time, and patience, but in the end, use get a good product, ya know." Seconds later the Buyer was seen fleeing from the organic basement.
Pilsen