Toddler Constructs Throne for Daddy

A rigorous Montessori program has allowed a local Humboldt Park toddler to build an elevated toilet so that her father could rest like a king when he tells her, "Daddy's busy now, go ask your mother". The same coveted preschool program is introducing an entire curriculum based around the crafting of space 'to honor those who love you.' It was stressed during class that the 'potty palace' could be for either parent much as the re-purposed Swedish massage room featuring exchange teacher/au pair Magnus on select evenings. After the construction of the second project, this featured home is now for sale.
Humboldt Park

Parents Upset Child Can't Make More Fire

The progressive diaper free parents of two small toddlers were upset their free range children would be unable to fully explore the magic of multiple fires in their newly acquired Wicker Park worker's cottage and are now debating the implications this could have on the future success of their children.
Wicker Park

Progressive Parents Ban Cell Phones

In an effort save their family from the ills of a cell phone addicted society, one Albany Park couple has installed a pay phone, which was explained to the potential buyers of their organically decorated three flat as "necessary to combat the destruction of our culture, and besides, after paying for Montessori, Whole Foods delivery and our Audi Diesel, who afford those crazy phone bills. Hey, could I borrow your phone to check my email for a minute?"
Albany Park

Army of Little People Vanishes

A small but powerful band of marauding little people, last seen entering a dwarfish door in this abandoned Wicker Park 3 flat has not been seen in over a week despite the odd glow neighbors have reported seeing through the crumbling attic windows. Anyone with information is requested to call the Little People Motorbike Association immediately.
WICKER PARK

Montessori Says Creativity Must Have Limits

Montessori officials allegedly are not taking kindly to the growing Montefiore movement in Chicago, an affordable charter alternative to the pricey educational offerings of Montessori. One official was overheard stating that "those guys should just be called the M.F'ers. Nobody discounts Montessori. They'll always be McDowell's to us!"
Chicago