Santa Disappointed with Chimney Renovation

Modern homeowners who have allowed the mason industry to fulfill their desires for 'taller than my neighbor' structures have started to irritate Chicago's most respected chimney sweep. Speaking to reporters during his busy season, the heavyset Union boss said, "This is it. I'm done after this year. I can't be expected to fit in there. I hear there are some Drones from the Amazon that charge less then me. Let them do it. Little people, I seen them. Illegals probably, gonna put me out of business. But I don't care. I'm moving to Mexico to live off my social security."
North Center

Sequester Affects North Center Post Office

As the median home prices in the North Center neighborhood of Chicago skyrocket, and the U.S. government sequester forces federal agencies to cut services or find other sources of revenue, the local North Center post office has announced that it will sell it's lucrative branch office to a developer who is turning the 9,300 square foot facility into a LEED certified luxury single family home for a middle aged couple and their small child.

Energetic and civic minded residents have recently unveiled their replacement post office, something they assure fellow residents will never be sold, unless, of course, Whole Foods is interested in opening an urban drive-thru.
North Center

Wife's Visualization Not Always an Asset

She has spent the last two months helping her husband understand how dilapidated foreclosed kitchens can transform into their dream kombucha brewing pizza baking oasis, and gone through elaborate pantomime to demonstrate how an outdated smoke stained living room can become the mid-century masterpiece they have dreamed so long about.

Now, this rabid visualizer is having to confront her own lethal skills, which she carefully whispered to her sympathetic buyer's agent, "I saw us getting ready for work in the morning. He was on the toilet and I was brushing my teeth, when I looked up in the mirror and our eyes made contact, the Tom's organic mint sprayed across the vanity. It was frightening. We have to go."
Lincoln Square

Bi-Polar Seller Offers Conflicting Sales Pitch

The Seller of this Lincoln Square two flat has assured all buyers that they will absolutely love her restored 1920's brick building, that is, if they are even willing to knock on her front door.
Lincoln Square

Dead Linoleum Salesman Leaves Treasure

Prospective buyers to this Lincoln Square bungalow were treated to an awesome display of mid to late 20th century vinyl flooring. Available immediately were 1955's famed sunburst yellow herringbone design and 1973's notorious Serpico Brown.
Lincoln Square

Child Scared of New Bedroom

While shopping for an affordable home in the Lakeview neighborhood, a couple excitedly told their six year old child, "this is going to be the best bedroom ever", before the husband whispered to his wife, "is this really how we have to live for him to attend a good public school in Chicago?"
LAKEVIEW (Bell School District!!!!! Yeah!)