Drought Reduces Price of Inner City Dock

A scorching rainless summer is finally taking its toll on an already struggling local real estate market, drying out precious inner city wetlands while turning this once desirable waterfront property into what the listing realtor is now calling "a front row seat to a luscious Chicago savannah.
BRIDGEPORT

Seller Proud of AT&T Upgrade, Really Proud

The elderly seller of this Portage Park bungalow spent the better part of a minute promoting her spacious bathroom and the unique ability to make phone calls in there, something no other homes in the area could offer, she proclaimed.
Portage Park

Rehabber Discovers He's Illiterate

After his cousin Arthur told him he could make a quick buck, a suburban office worker turned rehabber decided to renovate this multi-family in Wicker Park himself. After a quick demo job, he thought things were easy. Then he tried to read Home Depot's allegedly simple-to-use rehab books. He under-estimated the sophistication of the literature. And then he was served.
Wicker Park

Owner Finds New Use for His Slinky

After years of neglecting his rusty slinky, a Bridgeport two flat owner decided he could use it to heat his bedroom.
BRIDGEPORT

Large Mammal Requires Two Showers

An unusually large mammal, unable to fully bathe himself, requested the landlord of his Albany Park three flat to provide an additional watering hole so that he would no longer have to explain to fellow mammals why one side of his body remained so pungent.
ALBANY PARK

Bank Turns Pastor into F-Bomb Monster

After years as a respected neighborhood Evangelical pastor, the owner of this Logan Square three flat claims the Devil took control of the bank, then took control of him. The profanity spewing pastor did not understand why a representative of the good lord should be required to pay property taxes, or for that matter, pay his mortgage every month, especially when the Holy Father requested his favorite Earthling drive a more suitable vehicle to better attract those new people with the really large strollers that are moving into the neighborhood.
LOGAN SQUARE

Former Owner Said He Saw the Signs

The former owner of this Ukrainian Village brick 4 flat said he doesn't blame his unrealistic expectation of a selling price, or overeager withdrawl of his home's equity for his foreclosure, but simply, and perhaps deeply spiritually, says there were signs telling him that he was in trouble and he needed to vacate.
UKRAINIAN VILLAGE

Emergency Exit only for Real Emergencies

In Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood, some two flat and three flat owners are rebelling against the high cost of installing emergency staircases, sometimes referred to as a rear egress or back porch. Their defense is that they only need an actual door size exit. As this homeseller stated, "what's all the friggin' fuss. Don't you see them shrubs I planted. You may get banged up but you ain't gonna die. It's for friggin' emergencies not so you and some lass can have a smoke and admire the skyline."
LAKEVIEW

Definition of 'Electronics' Causes Confusion

The seller of this Roscoe Village single family home was observed smiling in the corner, abiding by the rules of his timeout. Then, without warning, he gleefully blurted out, "my wife has all these rules, all these rules, but she's losing this one. I do one 'mean' thing, like call her 'thick' or something, and then I can't use the dishwasher, or call to tell her I'm running late, or fix the DVR. It's great. Every husband should be put on the Electronics Time Monitoring System"
Roscoe Village