Mirror Mirror On the Wall

An Avondale vanity refused to sanction the presumed beauty of her frame cottage's potential suitors. When asked by witnesses to account for such unbecoming behavior, the reflective oracle bluntly stated, "look, I'm not used to deese kind of peoples. Youse know da type, want good looks vali-dation and then upset I ain't no Robern or Kohler. $%*# dose people. I couldn't take it. So I cracked. I'm a mirror goddammit. And dis here is Avondale."
Avondale

Leaking Wall Provides Green Water Source

Placing her three year old pug's bowl in front of a constant leak allowed the seller of this Lincoln Square single family to get LEED certified for a her green watering practices. She is now in negotiations with a local green building consultant to install a direct vent toilet gutter that will permit her home's commodes to fertilize her native gardens below.

Lincoln Square

Owner Demonstrates Structural Integrity

The potential buyers of this Logan Square three flat were without words, but clearly satisfied, after the extremely confident owner demonstrated that the home's smaller than usual support posts were nothing to be concerned about. She also informed the buyers that she would be willing to perform the same tests during their home inspection, and if they were really interested, she could attempt a similar test at other properties for a nominal fee.
Logan Square

Wife's Visualization Not Always an Asset

She has spent the last two months helping her husband understand how dilapidated foreclosed kitchens can transform into their dream kombucha brewing pizza baking oasis, and gone through elaborate pantomime to demonstrate how an outdated smoke stained living room can become the mid-century masterpiece they have dreamed so long about.

Now, this rabid visualizer is having to confront her own lethal skills, which she carefully whispered to her sympathetic buyer's agent, "I saw us getting ready for work in the morning. He was on the toilet and I was brushing my teeth, when I looked up in the mirror and our eyes made contact, the Tom's organic mint sprayed across the vanity. It was frightening. We have to go."
Lincoln Square