Owls Asked to Watch Over Cats for Awhile

Six felines were observed running naked and free throughout this Bridgeport two flat while the building's lone residents, a tight knit group of rare Calumet Owls, kept watch over the dwelling. The owls had no word on the whereabouts of the home's owners. BRIDGEPORT

The Hulk Attacks Another Bungalow

Homesellers have had to contend with the harmful effects of foreclosures, short sales, and a nervous buying public. And now a new threat has extended the agony. A buyer calling himself Mr. Hulk has been making his way to open houses in the Chicago area, last seen running through this brick wall in the Bridgeport neighborhood. If you or someone you know sees him, authorities are asking that you stay far away. But a contractor named Mishka is asking that anyone coming across this Mr. Hulk call him immediately because his demo guy has been missing for the last week. BRIDGEPORT

Loner Son Unhappy About Brother's Success

While touring potential buyers through his deceased parent's century old Pilsen worker's cottage, the son of the estate pointed to the wall and declared, "Look at that huge painting of my older brother and his stupid wife that everyone thinks is so amazing and their stupid little castle in Europe. And then me, with only that little photo. My parents never understood me. I hope you buy this place so I can get back to the desert and away from all this stuff."
PILSEN

Sellers Turn on Their Lovelight for Earth Day

Homesellers across unincorporated sections of West Bucktown, known to some locals as Humboldt Park, have coordinated their love for Earth this weekend, by letting their lovelights shine.
HUMBOLDT PARK

Fireplace Wars set to Replace Cupcake Wars

HGTV has recently announced that it will have a new reality show centered around fireplace competitions marketing itself with the tagline, "We'll burn your cupcakes...with our electric fireplaces."
HUMBOLDT PARK

Tenants Threaten to Use Squirting Faucet

Upset that their landlord didn't notify them about an impending eviction due to foreclosure, despite collecting their generous section 8 vouchers every month, the tenants of this Logan Square four flat left lethal warnings throughout the property that visitors may be attacked with a very long squirting faucet, one of the many things their former landlord refused to touch.
LOGAN SQUARE

4 Dimensional Room Leaves Buyers Stranded

As of presstime, the buyers are still there.
AVONDALE

Little People Have Bad Taste Too

Long immune from aesthetic critique due to the difficulty in adapting to everyday tall people situations, little people are now facing the wrath of HGTV couch critics who have deplored the latest trend in little people showers as "It wasn't 80's trash for just the tall people."
BRIDGEPORT

Bridgeport Welcomes California Rejects

After years of trying to convince California architecture snobs and obstinate homeowners association boards that they belong in the state Jerry Brown built, two Golden State constructed homes have absconded to Chicago's Bridgeport neighborhood, where a small political contribution, deducted weekly from a credit card of their choice, won them the right to show their forward thinking beauty to the Southside masses.
BRIDGEPORT

Hieroglyphs Found. Buyers Delighted.

A young Chicago couple, purchasing their first home in the city's West Town neighborhood, was overcome with enthusiastic glee upon discovering ancient wall writings depicting life for the building's former inhabitants. The wife was overheard telling her bewildered husband, "they wanted us to enjoy their toilet seat since they were moving to a smaller home."
WEST TOWN

Drunk Radiator Man Screws Up Again

That one really inexpensive radiator guy people love to call for simple heating repairs has done it again. When the landlord noticed his radiators on the ceiling, he simply shrugged and said, "he always do such things, but for that price, what to do? Tenant no can say anything. Look. You see. Still hot."
LOGAN SQUARE