Bedroom Offends the Least Interesting Man

A buyer deemed the 'least interesting man in the world' by his husband, 4 year old son, and aging cockapoo was so offended by the bedroom in this Mayfair bungalow that he insisted on leaving the showing immediately. Reached for comment, the least interesting man said, "What type of person keeps their Cheez-its in their bedroom next to a bunch of Elvis heads and a cardboard cut-out of their grandfather. That tells me this house is too 20th century for me." The least interesting man's family asked to remain anonymous.
Mayfair

Realtors Monopoly Threatened by Post-Its

Craigslist and Zillow have been scaring realtors for years that their practical monopoly of real estate sales was coming to an end. But that was nothing compared to the latest trend of DIY culture that has home sellers bypassing the internet and fast talking bluetooths altogether. Sellers of homes throughout Chicago have been spotted posting detailed descriptions of their properties. And to honor their hard work, they have refused to discount previously included commissions from their listing price, erroneously citing their right to eminent domain.
Portage Park

Liberal Couple Scared to Low-Ball

A progressive pair of Chicago Northsiders, attempting to move to an area of Chicago they could afford to own, has felt intimidated to place a low offer on an overpriced Jefferson Park two flat. Following the showing, the husband whined, "Look sweetie, you know how these people are, we should just pay him what he wants. Interest rates are so low it doesn't matter. I just, you know, I can't buy a gun. I just can't."
Jefferson Park

Flippers Touting Luxury Uitility Sinks

With the ubiquity of cherry cabinets, granite counters and Brazilian hardwood, investors rehabbing houses, commonly referred to by their maritime mammalian codename, "flipper", have sought out new ways to attract cutting edge home buyers. In this Mayfair bungalow, a flipper has marketed his 'reclaimed vintage' utility sink with high end Grohe shower faucet as a "must have item for those wanting the latest in utility sink fashion."
Mayfair

Mysterious Banking Cabal Unveiled

Since the 2007-2008 housing and banking crash, investigators have been entrenched in a worldwide hunt to uncover the notorious yet unknown cabal responsible for the gross misconduct dealt to the American financial system. At approximately 17:00 hours this past Friday, the cartel was discovered lounging in the basement of a Jefferson Park estate sale. When pressed for answers to their egregious behavior, the bearded one radiating light laughed, then serenely pronounced, "y'all loved it while it lasted. 'nother brewski please."
Jefferson Park

Condo Board Declares Van an Eyesore

In a move widely lauded by the residents of that new construction condo building on West Lawrence that looks like every other new construction condo building in Chicago, the Condo Board mandated the immediate removal of the "crazy black van" because it detracted from the ornate architecture of their building. Various home insurance companies are now competing for the high visibility parking spot.
Mayfair

Just in Case

When the homeseller of this northwest side bungalow was asked why she had so many toilet paper rolls in their bathroom, she politely responded, "just in case." From the down the hall, an older man could be heard yelling, "cause she uses half a roll every time she goes in there!"
Mayfair

Dutch Woman Last Seen on Roof

An elderly Dutch woman, alleged to be Mrs. VanGoghmetkaas, was last seen on her northwest side bungalow roof, attempting to complete her monthly moth ball distribution. Anyone who may have seen Mrs. VanGoghmetkaas should contact the Association for Lost Dutch Grandmothers making sure to note exact clog size.
PORTAGE PARK

Seller Brags About New Shower Seat

Taking over tour duties for his slack realtor, the excitable seller of this Jefferson Park two flat raved about the health benefits he has received over the years from enjoying extended showers sitting upright on his homemade therapeutic resting spot, one he affectionately called his "little wet pole".
JEFFERSON PARK

Buyers Kept Awake by Strange Ceiling

Despite finding two other appealing homes, a Chicago couple spent the night arguing and googling about what could have been on the ceiling in that one Northside two flat that they had no intention of buying. Sculpted metal? Antique tin panel ceiling? Papier-mâché? An elaborate water leak cover-up? The work of an alien race?
Old Irving Park