ComEd Provides Buddhas to Boost Energy Use

Concerned over the growing 'green' movement,and its advocacy of less energy consumption, local electric provider ComEd has decided to utilize the alleged leader of all things conscientious, the esteemed Siddhartha Buddha, a.k.a "that fat smiling guy, Jimmy". ComEd customers can now go to the company's website and request that a service representative come to the billing address and affix a Buddha sculpture within six to eight inches of their thermostat. ComEd officials are also considering the dispersal of other encouraging statues, including but not limited to Jesus H. Christ, Al Gore, Jerry Garcia, and Pamela Anderson.
JEFFERSON PARK

Hinckley Springs Offers Green Water System

In renewed efforts to capture the lucrative 'green' market, Hinckley Springs has begun offering homeowners a unique water filtration service that turns their leaky roofs into that "delicious Hinckley Springs taste you've come to trust".
JEFFERSON PARK

Stainless Cousin Fails to Gentrify

After almost two decades of peaceful co-existence, a Lakeview kitchen has been forced to accept an overbearing neighbor who has made no efforts to warm up to the long standing residents of this incredibly functional but aesthetically scorned kitchen.
LAKEVIEW

Seller Leaves Baby Outside for Showings

In order to successfully sell a home, owners are told to get rid of clutter, put up a fresh coat of paint, and make sure there are no distractions in the home when potential buyers come visit. This Bridgeport home seller wanted to highlight the fact that he was a father but also understood what it takes to sell a home in today's market.
BRIDGEPORT

Easter Bunny Refuses to Drink MicroBrews

While enjoying his new outdoor space, the Easter Bunny made it clear to prospective buyers that he only drinks American, "real American", not that microbrew crap. He then yelled out that his kegerator was not included in the sale.
HERMOSA

Easter Bunny Enjoying His Rehabbed Two Flat

Tired of being that "other religious superhero", and perturbed about his lack of a dramatic entryway, the Easter Bunny has recently renovated an Avondale two flat to provide himself with a means to practice Resurrection Day Chimney Dives while still affording him the queer comforts of Peeps Moderne.
AVONDALE

Robot Warns Buyer Against Purchase

Several minutes had passed before the buyer of this Logan Square two flat realized somebody was actually talking to him. The elderly, but friendly, if not somewhat monotone, basement robot explained in precise and historical detail the long list of issues the imposing brick structure had in store for the new owner. Upon leaving the programmed creature's subterranean lair, one could hear the faint sounds of electronic Horseshack giggles.
LOGAN SQUARE

Owner Tired of Laundry Peep Shows

Enough is enough. This was the sentiment shared by a fed-up North Center home owner. After an extended honeymoon period where she enjoyed weekly peep shows provided by her stackable wash & dry, she has demanded that her machines decide if they want to take it all off, or get locked behind some Chinese drywall, but she is tired of this insufferable relationship they now have.
North Center