Nostalgia Growing for Bush in Chicago

After a year of failed attempts by their elected leader to plunder the Unions, some Chicagoans are missing their favorite anti-proletariat politician of the last decade.
Little Italy

Seller Blames Virgin on His Short Sale

A despondent seller of a Bridgeport two flat, and former patron of St. Mary's Church, blamed the misguided advice he received from Mother Mary on the excessive home equity loans he took out on his family's historic compound that have led to his unwanted short sale situation.
BRIDGEPORT

Fervent Democrat Accepts New Bathroom

After years as a "green" girl, with green linens, and green dresses and a crush on Nader, and even a green car, the buyer of this Logan Square bungalow has decided that her unyielding support for the Democratic party should extend to the bathroom. She told this to all who would listen after receiving the $12,000 bill to completely remodel it.
Logan Square

Upset Tenant Posts Subliminal Messages

Obviously upset about the pending sale of her current Lincoln Square residence, a disgruntled tenant let it be known that danger lurked in the pipes below. In a re-assuring effort, the seller's realtor drank a glass of water from the kitchen tap. She has not been seen since.
Lincoln Square

Walls Oozing Ooze

A mysterious yellow substance was discovered in the rear porch of this Avondale two flat but the buyers were put at ease when told that the "walls only do that in winter, you'll hardly notice any come summer."
Avondale

Seller Gives Assurance that Everything is OK

The seller of this aging Pilsen storefront turned artist home and studio gave promising assurances that his unmaintained 123 year old building was "perfectly fine". He claimed the bathtub full of water was for his photo darkroom and the shaking floors were part of the home's charm.
Pilsen

Bank Asks Cat to Guard Historic Fireplace

After allowing tens of thousands of properties in the Chicago area to remain improperly secured, the nation's banks have decided they should start protecting the valuable items that remain inside the foreclosed dwellings. In this bank owned Edgewater two flat, security was lovingly provided by a feral cat, most likely belonging to the former owner who abandoned her for a quaint beach home in Honduras that she bought with her over-mortgaged home equity loan.
Edgewater

Campaigns Keep Calling Abandoned House

On the holiest political day of the year, even the ghostly victims (perpetrators) of the foreclosure crisis were not immune from last minute campaign pitches clamoring against the Marxist Muslim or the Machiavellian Mormon. But the empty Victorian sat silently, adorned by hacked off copper pipes and faded Tribunes screaming something about some brothers in a meltdown, The Lehmans.
Logan Square