Hermosa Residents Not Welcoming Yuppies

In an effort to prevent outsiders from thinking they can just move in, throw up large fences, and properly maintain their properties, Hermosa residents let their wishes be known today by adorning their homes with ancient deities attributed to Mayan conquests, despite the fact that the "yuppies" won their too.
HERMOSA

Seller Displays Brains of His Children

In the continued quest of young American parents to highlight the exceptionalism of their little ones, a Lincoln Square couple has framed the above average sized brains of their two lovely children complemented by their equally above average size hearts. The estate sale also includes a rare coffee table constructed with the limbs of the family's beloved golden retriever, Gimpy.
Lincoln Square

Obama Math Initiatives Paying Off

Years of poor quality Chicago rehabs may be coming to an end. Recent evidence obtained from an Avondale brick two flat suggests that workers doing affordable renovation work, often with limited education and disputable residency status, have been taking advantage of government programs to ensure they have the necessary mathematical skills to compete in today's highly competitive and mathematical world.
AVONDALE

Retro Tiles Vie to Remain in Bath Remodel

Two distinctly vintage tiles battled passionately for the love of a new Logan Square homeowner, who was meeting with her contractor to discuss plans for her bathroom remodel. The new buyer admitted she was torn over which funky vintage tile to choose, as they each manipulated the afternooon light to gain her favor. The contractor simply stated, "No good. Very old. I bring new tile. Many people love. You love it too. I am going. Thank you."
Logan Square

Proud Graduate Cheated on Plumbing Finals

An enthusiastic graduate of a nearby trade school in Humboldt Park apparently stopped attending classes after the demolition lectures. However, his mom, the proud seller of this brick worker's cottage, told us he was "so very, very special" before proceeding to yell across the house, "I told you to stop swinging that thing!"
Humboldt Park

Family Stashing Cheetos in Bathroom

Inspired by the popular weight-loss programs dominating prime time television, a local Logan Square family has decided to re-locate their food storage to a less convenient snacking location. However, it should be noted that the bathroom was occupied for the first twenty minutes of a recent visit. The prospective buyers were surprised to enter a completely odorless and moisture free space.
Logan Square

Sheepish Buyer Admits He Likes It

After weeks of walking through vintage two flats with their ornate wood trim, and perfectly worn hardwood floors, and then a new round of searching 1920's bungalows with their huge barren attics and stained glass windows, this home buyer looked up and meekly blurted, "that, over there, maybe we should just see that thing. It, it, uh, might be kind of cool."
Ukrainian Village

Drunk Roommate Asleep in Closet

The tenants of this Humboldt Park three flat were asked by the building's owner to show potential buyers around their apartment. Unfortunately, due to acute intoxication, one tenant wasn't capable of pointing out the highlights of her bedroom. At least not while we were visiting.
Humboldt Park

Clean Everything in One Sitting

The rehabber of this Logan Square two flat told us he was proud to finally be able to offer a place where people can multi-task in sanitary tranquility. "You see, what we have here is da future of da batroom. While use doin' your bizness, you can be brushin' dose teeth and bathin' dose feet all at da same time. Smart, right?"
Logan Square

Just in Case

When the homeseller of this northwest side bungalow was asked why she had so many toilet paper rolls in their bathroom, she politely responded, "just in case." From the down the hall, an older man could be heard yelling, "cause she uses half a roll every time she goes in there!"
Mayfair