Estate Sale forces Girl Watchers to Relocate

After the unfortunate death of the International Girl Watching founder, the world headquarters of the International Order is desperately looking for another basement where they can conduct their weekly meetings where topics such as "the demise of Thin Mint", "what happened to those pretty circles they used to draw over the "i"?", and "what is so special about this Justin Bieber?"
LINCOLN SQUARE

Fabric Master Upset Over His Demotion

After decades of mastering the intricate drying cycles of delicates, semi-delicates, rayon, silk, polyester, cotton, blankies, boots, hats, rugs, and small pets, The Fabric Master has been relegated to the far musty corner of this Northside basement where he has been assigned to the much maligned dish towel and re-usable diaper duties. His resentment is brewing as the new Kenmore XL2000 moisture meter continues to deliver dry shrink-free yoga pants to a fawning mother day after day. "Just wait until she sees how much those replacement parts cost, she'll be begging me for work again. I'm the real Yogi here," Fabric Master muttered in disgust.
EDGEWATER

Grilled Cheese Banned from Open House

A young vegetarian couple was rudely asked to leave an open house this weekend for eating a grilled gruyere on seven grain sourdough with free range fair trade mustard. As they protested, the seller barked, "How would it make you feel if someone grabbed your udders in an exploitative manner?" Still no response from the buyers.
WICKER PARK

Seller Keeps Forgetting Her Name

After years of forgetting what people called her, the owner of this quaint northside home decided she would trade her notorious brooches for a rainbow assortment of easy-to-remove adhesive identifiers that required minimal storage space in her coat closet.
ANDERSONVILLE

I Always Feel Like...Somebody's Watching Me

The potential buyers of this Humboldt Park single family home couldn't escape the eerie feeling that somebody was watching them.
HUMBOLDT PARK

Charmin Introduces the "Multi-Ply"

Couples and families who have long disagreed over the thickness of their bathroom tissue paper can rest easy with Charmin's new Multi-Ply, advertised as "Use what you need, and they'll use what they need. Everyone's happy with Charmin's new Multi-ply."
RIVER NORTH

Remaining in the Closet Not So Easy

A tenant who has spent his entire life hiding in the closet is not taking lightly to his landlady's recent rehab work.
ALBANY PARK

The King of Beers is now King of Anti-Freeze

Under the weight of burgeoning micro-brew sales, Anheuser-Busch has decided to market it's swill to foreclosure preservation companies that need to prevent water pipes from freezing. Banks are refusing to comment though on the increased number of intoxicated men with clipboards, snoring in the bathtub.
ROGERS PARK

Couple Takes Mad Men Euphoria Too Far

First they bought the Eames lounge chair, then the Egg chair, then the Tulip chair, then switched from weekend Miller Lites to nightly whiskeys, then from lululemon pants and University of Michigan sweatshirts to pencil skirts and skinny ties, but now the sellers of this not very mid-century bungalow have decided to only communicate with the Talk-A-Phone, summed up by the seller's husband best when he told us, "just like Draper, baby".
PORTAGE PARK

Foreclosures Going Green

Riding the wave of Green euphoria sweeping the nation, banks have recently decided to provide green energy to their abandoned dilapidated uncared for properties so that prospective buyers will have solar powered lighting to witness the complete destruction caused by the bank's fine managerial practices.
BRIDGEPORT

Seller Finds Tiles to Match Wall

After spending several hours at the Tile Outlet store, this home seller finally located two boxes of tiles, labeled 'Ebony Fungi', to match the unique patterns taking shape on his bathroom wall.
HERMOSA

Seller Appeals to Fans of Hanging Objects

In an effort to distinguish his mixed used storefront and apartment from other sellers, this Greatest Generation veteran decided to showcase various hanging items that can attract both afficionados of deconstructed mobiles and budget minded buyers looking for cost effective home security systems.
BUCKTOWN