Missing Wood Posts Concern Buyer

The potential buyers of this 1890's Lakeview Victorian displayed profound concern upon descending into the basement to discover that the entire house was being supported by tree trunks. The wife looked over to her husband, and in a firm but slightly anxious voice, said, "We have GOT to get out of here. Why wouldn't they support their home with wood posts like everybody else. This is NOT safe. We have GOT to go. NOW!"
Lakeview

Statue of Liberty Sees the Light, Finally

After two centuries of darkness, struggling with the anxieties and tumult that come with being the sole bearer of liberty, Our Fair and Balanced Lady has finally seen the light. She was abducted by the unidentified flying object from the roof of this brick Avondale three flat at approximately twenty-three hundred hours yesterday evening by resident aliens who apparently mistook Our Lady for the illegal aliens that were harboring her.
AVONDALE

Seller Impresses With Amazing City View

The seller of this historic Little Italy rowhouse spent the entire house tour extolling the magnificent panoramic city views that his rooftop deck afforded. Once the group of potential buyers arrived on the legendary roof, one disrespectful attendee questioned, "which way is the city? I can't see anything." A clearly surprised owner quickly replied, "That place, over there, you see it, that one building. That's downtown, baby, downtown Chi-town!"
Little Italy

Condo Board Declares Van an Eyesore

In a move widely lauded by the residents of that new construction condo building on West Lawrence that looks like every other new construction condo building in Chicago, the Condo Board mandated the immediate removal of the "crazy black van" because it detracted from the ornate architecture of their building. Various home insurance companies are now competing for the high visibility parking spot.
Mayfair

Progressive Parents Ban Cell Phones

In an effort save their family from the ills of a cell phone addicted society, one Albany Park couple has installed a pay phone, which was explained to the potential buyers of their organically decorated three flat as "necessary to combat the destruction of our culture, and besides, after paying for Montessori, Whole Foods delivery and our Audi Diesel, who afford those crazy phone bills. Hey, could I borrow your phone to check my email for a minute?"
Albany Park

Portage Park Pee Pee Peeves Purchaser

After a splendid tour of this Portage Park bungalow, the would-be buyer was already imagining her living room furniture in the crown molding stained glass living room, until she had to excuse herself for the restroom. Upon returning, she freaked out that the seller had the audacity to chart her pee pee. "I haven't eat asparagus in days," she cried.
Portage Park

New Year Vow Shields TV from Cruel World

In an effort to protect the only possession he owns outright, the seller of this Edgewater vintage single family home promised his 61" plasma television that it would no longer be forced to witness the stream of buyers that have spent the past year walking in front of it, grumbling about how they refused to pay 2006 prices for a neglected home that hasn't been updated since the first Mayor Daley was in office.
Edgewater